Laws of the House of God

1. GOMERS DON’T DIE.
2. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.
3. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.
4. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.
5. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.
6. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14 NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.
7. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.
8. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
9. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.
10. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.
11. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE MEDICAL STUDENT BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.
12. THE DELIVERY OF GOOD MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.